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You're absolutely right, it is most definitely a choice and an effort must be made when your joy seems at its most elusive. It is then that you have to get pissed and say "up yours, not today!" and be thankful that God or the universe or whatever works for you, provided so much to be joyful for so we can call upon it to counter when the bad shit happens, because it is going to. Nick, as I sit here in Bologna far away from my family in Australia, I am contemplating what brings me joy. I am fortunate to be here as I approach my 60th birthday. I am happily married to Bruce (good Australian name) and have a beautiful son Matthew who has just turned 29.
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At other times reaching, as we say, with the breeze on the beam, the bow and 85 tons of oak shouldering waves aside. We have to take care because there can be times when the wind and tides can teach us that without humility we will surely and deservedly get our arses kicked. Unlike most modern humans we often aren’t able to go where we want when we want. Sometimes we have to stand and get pelted by the wind and the rain but by negotiating and collaborating with Nature we can rediscover our place in the actual order of things. We may get to where we set out for, we may get to somewhere else.
That's precisely it, you can't know the joy unless you lose it! Similarly you don't really know the extent of love until you grieve...Sometimes though when you've lost the joy (and your way), you have to light your torch by looking for the tiny pleasures. I find joy in watching others experience the culmination of all their work. It can be a finished book or being a proud parent, but one of the most potent and joyous examples is the Olympics.

Why this is the case, I have not yet fully figured out. Maybe it’s because joy is fragile. It feels like it is the lightest of all the senses and can be easily suffocated by the heavy cloak the more sad or serious ones seem to be made up off, and that for some of us seem to always be present. If not nibbling away at our brains then presented to us in newspapers or on our phones. I feel like efforts to forcefully remove the suffocating cloak are exhausting and oftentimes unsuccessful.
Not in the hippy interpretation of quantum mechanics that “everything is a vibration,” but in a purely figurative way. Some people’s instruments are tuned in certain ways, others in different ways. Some have strings that has never been used. No-one has played all the tunes on their instruments - it is always new songs to be written and played.
And they also help us to understand that loss is a natural part of life, and that there is nobody or nothing in particular to blame for loss, and that the way to get through these difficult times is to rage, and to mourn, and to accept, and to embrace life. Constantly during these past years we have been ground down by loss, and forgotten what joy is. The day begins with the remembering of tragedy, the first thought on waking is of our son, the final thought before sleep, and many days he fills the seconds and minutes and hours in between too. Except when we are distracted by the necessities of survival. Which sometimes offers glimpses of how he was before, and which gives hope, yes, but scrapes at the scar tissues and reopens the emotional wounds. It will be a life's journey, for him, for us.But.

I dampen down the will to procreate excessively with visualisations and meditation. I gain great joy continually and every day running the grand trick on my body and look forward to subtly different tricks I will play to lead a calmer, less destructive and carnal life. I also enjoy the arts where they do not deny our darker natures, and celebrate our wins and losses, such as the many works of one N.Cave. I find joy in the small things in life. Once I thought joy would be found in life’s many accomplishments. But after the end of a 17 year marriage, career change, finding love (after believing it no longer existed), I become content in my place in life.
As a daughter of an alcoholic atheist scientist this is a huge deal for me. We often discuss them in my therapy. I find joy in appreciating and being grateful for my current life with my husband of 42 years who is less than perfect (like me). Every day there are so many great things in life! Cool people who know how to think, great travel around this incredible world, my dog, my house, etc., etc.

At the break of day and the setting of the sun alike, warm and cold, lively and lugubrious, I am one amongst many, a leaf on the breeze we all share. In that (in my) seeming insignificance I find absolute significance and total integration. When I can remember, I find joy there, too. With work, and time, I expect you will too. The question of joy was a big part of my teen years, and remains important in my life today, so I couldn’t not try to answer you. I’ve never attempted to put this into words so it should be interesting.When I was sixteen I became housebound with chronic fatigue.
The smell of fresh coffee in the morning. The first sip of fresh coffee on my tongue. Reading an interesting book by a new author. Reading an interesting book by a favourite author.

And as the ethical Beatle once sang "All things must pass" and death as such is an illusion. Play, play like a child, emersed in that space. Play, play like a dog does with a ball or a cat with a string. Actually, if you encounter a child or dog or cat playing, purposefully join them in that space, ignore everything else.
Unfortunately, only in times of sadness I can look at my moments of joy without that overwhelming feeling that numbs you. You make joy sound like a fucking torment. Are you in some sort of emotional quarantine? The joy I experience is fleeting.
But when I am open and feeling at peace with myself then I can see the world for what it is, a true collection of beauty and wonder of which I am forever in awe of. It is in those moments I that I can truly feel joy. So, when I am not joyful, or even happy, I have learnt to first look inward rather than point fingers at the world and those around me. When I need or want to feel joy, or when I notice I haven't been noticing joy as much as I want to, or I've been trying hard to and feel that drowning from all of the other things, from loss, from stress, from insecurity and fear. Then I try to remember I can always find joy in the zooming out.